Sticks and Stones and Critiques

Dear *#&#*#,

You have set down some quite effective--even, sometimes, soaring--sentences here, which depict an alternate reality within the world we inhabit. Your narrator's reality is recognizable, but obscured. I mostly like that we cannot ever be quite sure what this narrator thinks of what he sees, or what he thinks of himself, that he exists in a haze he wants out of, but is helpless to leave.

You do a good job blending hope and despair, a good job showing us someone who is not so embittered by his experiences that he can't see beyond what's before him, in the dismal wee hours of a morning, as he sobers, and views his obligations.

Your narrator is spooky, but not gratuitously so (although here I must say that I found the uses of the words "nigger" and "cunt-fucker" gratuitous, and therefore offensive. The narrator's racism, is incidental in this piece; it doesn't play itself out in the way, for example, his attitude towards women is played out.)

There is a deep disturbance here, to be certain.

There is a grandeur to your diction (word choice) that works well quite often, and promotes the sense of departure from reality. But be wary, please, of passing judgment, of using your writing as a place to indict people. It takes the adventure out of reading, and alienates your reader. Be open to surprises, and we will be too.

Hope this is helpful and best of luck in your endeavors. Happy holidays,

Best,

Noy